Well, it is about five months after my last post, but I couldn't figure out how to get back here. Sigh.
Anyway, one of my beloved little dogs, my schipperke, A, died on April 21. I will write more about that later. I was and am devastated. In some ways, more so now that the shock has worn off and I realize that a very good part of my life is now over forever. And I will never see her again in this world. That is almost too much for me to take.
My other dog, M, is still here - an older sheltie gentleman. Diabetic, going blind but still happy to be here and as long as that is true we will continue to treat him.
We also have a new puppy, O, who is just delightful and a handful and helping with the pain of losing A.
Still, it is a whole new life and I am still adjusting to it.
So that is where things are now. I will try and be more diligent about blogging in the future.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
Denial is over - I think
A very nice service for S. The preacher a bit windy, but she planned it all herself and I was in tears often and laughing often.
What I most realized is that only knowing her as a vet was just knowing a small part of her. I knew that anyway, all the time. She was very protective of herself, as I am. So we didn't get to know each other as well as we could have. Oh well. I did thank her for her tender care of my dogs while she was living. I told her I thought she was an excellent doctor while she lived. I sent her flowers and cards while she was living.
Regrets are pointless now. I am glad I had her care for my beloved puppies all their lives until now. 13 years. Half of her practice.
Thank you, S. I love you.
cm
What I most realized is that only knowing her as a vet was just knowing a small part of her. I knew that anyway, all the time. She was very protective of herself, as I am. So we didn't get to know each other as well as we could have. Oh well. I did thank her for her tender care of my dogs while she was living. I told her I thought she was an excellent doctor while she lived. I sent her flowers and cards while she was living.
Regrets are pointless now. I am glad I had her care for my beloved puppies all their lives until now. 13 years. Half of her practice.
Thank you, S. I love you.
cm
today we say goodbye
Today is the funeral for S. I am having such a hard time with this. I cannot get my mind around the fact that she is gone forever. I still expect her to call me about a prescription for my dogs or to give me the results of a lab test. When I go over to the vet her dog is there in the reception area. I still find myself looking for her. I know it is so much worse for everyone over at the clinic. They all loved her and she was quite a role model for the younger vet techs.
Today will be a very hard day. It is a lovely spring morning. Hard to accept death on a day like this.
More later
Today will be a very hard day. It is a lovely spring morning. Hard to accept death on a day like this.
More later
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
It is as it is
Still having a hard time getting it through my head that S is gone. It is just so hard to take.
What will I do when my dogs get sick? I have her partner, of course, and he is also a wonderful vet. But she knew them better, was with them longer.
What if the practice changes so much that I am not comfortable there? What if they close all together. These two vets had practiced together for 27 years. That is a very long time.
Oh, I wish it could be like it was at the beginning. When everyone was healthy and young and alive.
What will I do when my dogs get sick? I have her partner, of course, and he is also a wonderful vet. But she knew them better, was with them longer.
What if the practice changes so much that I am not comfortable there? What if they close all together. These two vets had practiced together for 27 years. That is a very long time.
Oh, I wish it could be like it was at the beginning. When everyone was healthy and young and alive.
Monday, March 24, 2008
My dogs, their doctor and her absence.
My first posting on a blog. My own blog. Gulp.
I am not a writer. But I am grieving my dogs beloved vet.
They are 13. She was their vet all their lives. She was only 54. She had breast cancer.
She was a remarkable woman. So very bright, so very alive. She fought it, and I mean fought it for 7 years. I 0nly knew her as a vet.
I knew she had breast cancer when she left her practice for a year in 2001. When she came back in 2002 I thought she was ok. I have had at least 8 friends who have had breast cancer. Not one of them has died from it. Still.
Except number 9. I still cannot believe she is gone.
I was not supposed to know very much. I was a very valued client, but she was very private and during the 6 years she still practiced after her diagnosis she did not let on that she was in distress to most people.
I got drawn in by fate. Onc day about 2 years ago I was sitting on of the examination rooms with one of my dogs and I heard some raised voices and then crying. One of the techs was begging her to not make a trip to see some friends. Because she would wear herself out and get sicker than she was. I listened for a couple of minutes and then asked one of the nurses in reception to please tell them to cool it - I did not want to hear things I was not supposed to hear.
A few minutes later, my vet came in with tears in her eyes. Then we talked about her cancer very plainly. And I told her that whatever her young friend feared it was her life and she needed to do what was necessary for her. She looked at me and said, "yes, it is my life."
From that point on we talked about what was going on with her treatment, good and bad.
Not every time I brought one of my dogs in. Most of the time I tried to just treat her like my vet and that was all. But sometimes there would be a good scan or a set back and we would talk about that, too.
Anyway, she passed away last week after a pretty fast decline.
I am much more bereft than I thought I would be. More later
I am not a writer. But I am grieving my dogs beloved vet.
They are 13. She was their vet all their lives. She was only 54. She had breast cancer.
She was a remarkable woman. So very bright, so very alive. She fought it, and I mean fought it for 7 years. I 0nly knew her as a vet.
I knew she had breast cancer when she left her practice for a year in 2001. When she came back in 2002 I thought she was ok. I have had at least 8 friends who have had breast cancer. Not one of them has died from it. Still.
Except number 9. I still cannot believe she is gone.
I was not supposed to know very much. I was a very valued client, but she was very private and during the 6 years she still practiced after her diagnosis she did not let on that she was in distress to most people.
I got drawn in by fate. Onc day about 2 years ago I was sitting on of the examination rooms with one of my dogs and I heard some raised voices and then crying. One of the techs was begging her to not make a trip to see some friends. Because she would wear herself out and get sicker than she was. I listened for a couple of minutes and then asked one of the nurses in reception to please tell them to cool it - I did not want to hear things I was not supposed to hear.
A few minutes later, my vet came in with tears in her eyes. Then we talked about her cancer very plainly. And I told her that whatever her young friend feared it was her life and she needed to do what was necessary for her. She looked at me and said, "yes, it is my life."
From that point on we talked about what was going on with her treatment, good and bad.
Not every time I brought one of my dogs in. Most of the time I tried to just treat her like my vet and that was all. But sometimes there would be a good scan or a set back and we would talk about that, too.
Anyway, she passed away last week after a pretty fast decline.
I am much more bereft than I thought I would be. More later
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)